Woah Nelly!

Two evenings ago, when I pressed that publish button, I never expected the reaction that I received from my "Disease of Perfection" blog. In fact, the almost immediate comments, filling of my inbox, emails, and text messages took me by surprise….okay-lie- they kind of freaked me out a bit. I cried. I kicked. I wondered why the hell I ever did this. I refused to look at them throughout the day. I never, in a million years, would have thought that THAT many people would care what I had to say…

After I hurt my back, I got hundreds of "We love you, Liz!" comments and likewise for this post. That's not what brought me to my knees….but it was the vast multitudes of "I have the same feelings and have never had the guts to reveal them". "I've been in your shoes, but I've battled it alone". "I, too, can't seem to be perfect enough". "We are so alike in what we've been through and never even knew it"…..I have received close to one hundred responses, many of which are also girls that cry out with similar or the same issues that were brought out in the open the other day. (PS: I will personally get back to all of you soon! There are a lot of messages so it'll take me awhile…)

Let's forget about the whole, "You are so brave, courageous, bladdy bladdy blah" stuff. Was it courageous to press the publish button…No. I felt it put on my heart by God so I had a peace about it. But was it anxiety provoking when my iPhone acted like it was having seizures because of the responses? Uh- YEAH! Not that I really thought that someone would be like- "You anorexic whore that's still not thin enough! Idiot!"…ha- I just realized, "Oh crap…..I did this. People know. And I can't turn back."

That's the point. John 1:4-5 'What came into existence was Life, and the Life was LIGHT to live by. The Light blazed out the darkness; the darkness couldn't put it out." This verse was my heart when writing the last blog. The eating disorders, anxiety, and mess was the darkness that had been hidden away for so long…eating (no pun intended, even though it is kind of funny in a dark sense of humor) away at ever fiber of my being all while staying "secret". By bringing it OUT, out into the LIGHT, it can no longer retreat back into the dark. I might now start living the life intended for me because my demons are out of their comfort zone and into the Lord's light. God's light penetrates everything around it (For He IS the Light) and I'm so excited to bask in it in a more full way than ever before.

I also believe that the many girls who came to me with similar lives is a testament to how serious this Disease of Perfection is. It effects your daughter, mother, sister, boss, heck- even men in our lives feel immense pressure to be the perfect provider, man, lover, etc. So why are we keeping this quiet, and by doing so, giving it power?! I want, more than anything, to show that this is something WORTH talking about!

1 in 4 college-aged women engage in binging and purging (bulimia).

Over one HALF of girls and one THIRD of men resort to unhealthy weight control behaviors such as fasting, purging, vomiting, taxing laxatives, etc.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/

Now, do you think that's something worth talking about? Facts are- you either are or know someone who suffers from this disease (hellooooo- you are reading my blog). And this doesn't even delve into other symptoms of perfectionism such as anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and OCD.

I'm here, taking a stand and saying "It's okay to talk about". The darkness will not control us any longer than we let it. Screw the stigma….I dare you to find one person in the world who doesn't have baggage they'd prefer to keep secret. So cast the first stone, hun. I'm a raggedy mess who doesn't have to climb out entirely on my own thanks to the grace of God (whole other blog post…or two…or eight).