OKAY- So I know yesterday I promised a blog about the freedom that I've found in releasing people from the bondage known as unforgiveness. BUT- after seeing so many people that I love and respect wanting to, or actually having read, this book- I simply must interject. PS: 18 and older please. Explicit material discussed.
The book is called Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. It's a New York Times bestseller and is receiving a following like Harry Potter and Twilight, except the audience is women…young adult, middle aged, and so on. It's a piece of erotic fiction based on a young woman who meets a manipulative billionaire who brings her into the world of bondage, control, and domination. The chapters are filled with explicit sex scenes where this girl is no longer in control, yet this man is.
MMMMMMMMK- Lots of things wrong with this picture and I have no idea where to start.
Let's begin:
One of the main things that bothers me about the premise of this book (I have not read it, nor ever intend to, and will question the motives of any of my girlfriends that would) is that it's basically porn…it's porn for women. Men WATCH sexual movies, porn, whatever because they are visually stimulated. Women are different…we're emotionally stimulated. It's why books like Twilight and Nicholas Sparks receive so much attention…the love stories in them arouse our innate desire to be loved and romanced. It's a desire that was put in us by God, but His purpose for that desire was to be fulfilled by Him and our husband…that's it. Not Edward or Jacob. Not Zac-freaking-Efron in The Lucky One or Noah in the Notebook. But by your husband. Many women find themselves reading these books, swooning, and then subconsciously comparing the characters to their own husbands…their own flawed husbands (as we all are) don't stand a chance against the 'perfect' imaginary characters that will never know life outside the ink of a paperback. I was once talking to a friend who was rereading the Twilight series and even said something along the lines of, "I wish (my husband) was more like Edward"…I immediately told her to put the book down and I felt so very sorry for the standard that was set before her husband to 'measure up'.
We are also creatures who crave intimacy. It was set forth in the garden of Eden when Adam and Eve were not scared to be naked in front of each other. It was explicitly described in Song of Soloman…the perfect intimate relationship to be had between a husband and wife that was created by an intimate God. What a beautiful thing!!!!
This intimacy is defiled by many things…sexual abuse, pornography addictions, adultery, the list goes on. It can be a grueling thing to dig through the mess of a sinful world to truly experience the supernatural intimacy that God has created for us. In fact, on a personal note- I am painstakingly working, praying, fasting every day to allow the Lord to heal my wounded heart from sexual abuse. I cry out in prayer, my husband lays hands on me nightly and prays over our home, and we are crawling out of a pit so that one day we may experience intimacy the way God intended for it to happen. Sometimes we're caught off guard and blessed by it and oh- the fragrance of the Lord is so sweet! But this corrupt world has distorted what God intended to be beautiful, and sexual, and intimate, and intense into…well…a mess!
Books like this one, where women are caught up in the emotional intimate plot line are NOT what God intended for your sex life with your husband. Many fans of the book would argue that they like that the male character in the book is 'in control' and 'dominating' over his female partner since they feel so out of control in their own lives…is that what true intimacy looks like? I dare you, those that have read the book and consider themselves Christians, to compare the sexual scenes in 'FSOG' to Song of Soloman….I would guess they paint themselves in very different lights. I'll bet you my entire disability check on it….
"But I don't feel fulfilled in my intimate life with my spouse!" "But I like the way it grabs me into the book and I can't put it down!" Blah blah blah blah blah! Does it look like I give a flying flip about why you seem to enjoy this book….it's probably the same reasons a man looking at pornographic websites would give and if that was your husband, you would throw the computer out of the window. Women- RESPECT your husbands enough to allow HIM to be the only one that enters the intimate atmosphere of your life like that. Men view respect from their wives as love…They want to be respected. They need to be respected. Respect the God who created a husband for you to love, and cherish, and be your spiritual leader. He makes no mistake! As soon as you start reserving all intimacy (physical and emotional- yes I'm talking about that coworker you flirt with at lunch or freaking-ugly-Edward in Twilight) for your husband, while it may take work, you can also have a chance to experience love (and SEX) the way GOD wanted it to be. And you can bet your bottom dollar it's more mind-blowing than any novel…He IS Lord of the universe and created the act, ya know.
If something is lacking in that department, find out what it is….and WORK on it. Marriage is work right? I have spent years of my life terrified of intimacy because of what was done to me so many years ago. I have prohibited my husband and I from experiencing God-driven intimacy….but we're working on it. And not through sex driven images or novels or toys or other things. But through fervent prayer, counseling, and communication. I respect my husband enough to not resort to other means to become aroused and stuff away all my intimacy issues (that would be a lie, anyway)…and he respects me enough that when I tell him, "I'm anxious….I'm scared", he hugs me, holds me, and prays for God to come into our room and provide us comfort and rest. That is a stark contrast to the domination and control displayed of the female in Fifty Shades of Grey and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what type of man most women would prefer. In fact- for someone like I, who was a victim of sexual abuse where control was taken away from me, a book like this could be damaging to the core bring back past memories and instilling the fact that men will always have control in the bedroom. What a horrid horrid painful lie…
I know that I've ranted in a completely random, non calculated manner…some of this makes no sense. But I just want to warn women of the harm that can occur with books like this. It is the EXACT SAME THING has your husband disrespecting you through pornographic visualization. If I'm the only one that sees the danger in this, then well then by God- I must be the only one with sense in the world. But I have a hope and trust in the intimacy that God has promised me and my husband. Not a hope in the world because the world will always fail you.
So put the book down. Look at your amazing husband, father of your children, and your partner in life and choose HIM. Besides, didn't you vow to choose him when you made those vows? Choose Him and choose him. It will be the best thing you ever did for your relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment